At times like this...

....I often get frustrated, when obligations I must fulfill keep me away from doing what is most natural & consuming to me: the making of music. At these times I often give voice to that frustration, "Why did the 'One Who Made Me' give me this gift to make music, but not put me in a situation where I am free to do so!".
      Of course I don't know the answer. Often questions like these answer themselves or melt away along with state of ignorance that gives rise to them...I didn't really have a choice about becoming a songwriter, it wasn't a decision; it was what I was made to be. But many of my other obligations ARE a choice, that I have taken upon myself.
     For much of my life I was almost totally consumed with these songs that came as natural as breathing. The inspirations were the fun part, but the countless hours needed to get them in a form where others could hear them...well, THAT pretty much left no time for anything else...so this all-consuming passion wound up consuming ME.
      So I prayed that the songs would stop coming, so I could have a somewhat normal life. And so they did. For about 10 years, I didn't write a note. For several years I couldn't pick up a guitar for more than a couple of minutes without getting sick to my stomach...For more in depth about my conflict you may have to refer to the MySpace blogs already written. But it comes down to my NOT having a choice about writing, the weight of responsibility I felt to get them out into the world, and the fact that my very private nature made me ill-suited to carry out this task. (I understand this is a common theme in many stories about artists, which is why so many of us carry a reputation of being kind of "strange".)
     The 1st hint of them starting up again was the dream-seed for the song "Earthwind". When they returned I was delighted and accepted the waking of a deep part of my nature happily.
     But I am at one of those times when I don't have a time or a place to make recordings, computer changes have ruined my ability to work on arrangements even if I had the time. So here I am again, with a batch unfinished charts & tracks and hope I don't get myself in so deep that I can't get them done!